Jan Flashback

My story about the name Jan is dedicated to Dr. Jan Gruthoff my group therapist at Alexianer clinic Weissensee at Fröbelstr. After two weeks in the program, I met with senior physician Dr. Med U. Schannewitzki and the therapists. During the meeting, Dr. Gruthoff threatened to take me out of the program if I did not apologize to the other patients in the group for my behavior. I decided to be faithful to Dr. Gruthoff and apologize to the group as genuinely as possible the next day. I had not previously mentioned Dr. Gruthoff's confrontation. It was quite disturbing to watch how I split the group into those who accepted the apology and those who did not. We also had a Jewish female in the group who had a severe flashback near the conclusion of the session. She informed us she had a horrific vision of her Jewish grandmother being shot in a room assaulted by Nazi soldiers.The Jewish girl had a deep bond with Dr. Gruthoff, and after she went, I determined in my retreat to replace her. II formed a swarming wave around Dr. Gruthoff and sat close to him in the group. I began to understand the vernacular of deep psychology and experienced a Freudish dream about Dr. Gruthoff. In the dream, he lectured me and my younger brother. I didn't like it and chose to leave with my brother and Dr. Gruthoff. My brother, who was dark and little, begged me to return to him and Gruthoff, which I did. After returning, the doctoring and lecturing became less unpleasant. I never informed anyone about my dream, but I discovered that the people you dream about are reflections of yourself. In one group therapy session, I attempted to groom the group by informing them that they could not fall in love during therapy. Dr. Gruthoff approached me again and encouraged me to fall in love. He achieved recognition through an association with the film "The Lobster" directed by Giorgos Lanthimos. I saw the film at home, and that pushed me into a transition with Gruthoff. When I left the clinic, he gave me a letter with the diagnosis F61 and F43.2. He exclaimed that I was not permitted to speak publicly about what happened in the group. It was even more unsettling to see his gay online dating profile on the internet. It literally popped up on Google for me. He goes by the online alias Pirate Johnny. This is a variation of the song "pirate Jenny" from Bertolt Brecht's "The Threepenny Opera". When I reached out to him in need, he ignored me. I later discovered that he wasn't even a therapist and was still in school when he practiced on us. What is your story about flashbacks and the name Jan?